Body Reactions to System Changes

I usually walk the dogs everyday at noon, I have 3 of them. I work at home, so i am pretty much infront of the computer all the time, either working on some web sites, or working on my mommy site or reading Desteni materials.

So this past few days i haven't gone out because i have been working on my mom site, and i needed to get it officially up. So i just stayed inside and havent walk the dogs, only walking them at night. And i did not go out during the day for 3-4 days, little sun exposure.

So walking the dogs has been a pattern for me the last 2 years. And this was the first time in 2 years that i have not gone outside to walk the dogs during noon. So it was like "breaking" the "system". Because i have programmed myself to do this everyday. Everyday, i wake up, get my food ready, feed the dogs, then go outside and walk them. I have come to enjoy walking them everyday. It was fun cause i get to meet people, and also assist myself through this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a "patterned " life that consist of plans and schedules
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a "patterned" life is easier living , thus i do not need to face myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe that "change" is difficult life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that less "change" is easy life - never realizing that this is polarity - I am One as Life and Equal as Life as All as I am Here in every moment of breathe
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear "change" in my life because i have believed that "change" is bad. - never realizing that this belief is polarity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "change" is bad which results in me having emotional reactions within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have emotional reactions within myself because of the belief that "change" is bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have emotional anxiety reaction within myself because i have allowed myself to believe that "change" is bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through the ideas of polarity within my mind as everything has to be "good and bad" - never realizing that there is only One.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "change" exist - that things are evolving and moving to something new - never realizing that this is an illusion - never realizing that this is an idea of the mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "change" exist - allowing myself to react emotionally whenever the mind perceives a "change"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge and compare myself to "change" which causes me to have emotional reaction within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live and allow my mind to define who i am and my environment as "change"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "change" are obstacles of Life - Never realizing that I Am Life. Facing myself is a gift of Life.
Realize that "change" does not exist, because we have always been here for Eons of time. The idea of "change" is evolution which is a polarity mind construct, that a person evolves, but this is not real, and does not exist. What is real is HERE, I am Here in every moment of breathe. I amalgamate myself as Life. I have and always have been HERE. Thus "change" is only a perception of the "mind".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through the perception of my mind as "change"

I am Life
I am One and Equal as Life
I am the Living Word as Life as Who i really am as One and Equal as Life.
I Face Myself and I give myself the Gift of Life


Withdrawal

So today i walked the dogs and went back to my "normal" schedule. I go out and I experience this anxiety within myself, it was a different anxiety, shaky type anxiety, but yet im not shaking, it wasnt the "heart pumping" type anxiety. It was interesting experience, I guess its a withdrawal anxiety. It's like going out into the new world once again as if the world was separate from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is "normality" in everything. That is the mind defining its surroundings. "Normality" means patterned and scheduled existance, which is a "system" of thought, a belief.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by a life of "normality" which is a system. I am Self Freedom. I am Life. I will not allow myself to be defined by systems of living such as being "normal"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being "outside" and being "inside" is different. Which is a polarity that i have believed in. And i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe this polarity of "outside is bad" and "inside is good". - Never realizing that everything is ONE, and it was the mind that created the separation, in my belief of what my parents have told me that the "outside world" is bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the "outside world" is bad which cause anxiety reactions within myself - a separation of my own self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anxiety within myself because i have allowed myself to believe that "outside" is bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the "inside the house" is good which cause me to feel "safer" within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in "good and bad" related to going outside and inside. Which is an illusion, a polarity of the mind to trap me preventing me from realizing who i really am as One and Equal as Life.

I am Here as One and Equal as Life as All as I am in every moment of breathe.
I will not allow myself to be controlled by the polarity of the mind. I am One. I am Life. I am All. I am Infinite as All as I am Here in every moment of breathe.


I got to talk to some of my neighbors and it was interesting. It felt like i was talking to "new" people and i had the anxiety. I was definitely in my head, because i was selfjudging my reactions of not being outside for a few days. Thinking bout my past experiences of being inside the house is different compared to the outside. So i felt this vibrational anxiety within myself because i have allowed myself to think that staying inside for a while will create a reaction within myself . Then i go out and I experience what i have thought about during that time i was inside the house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people are "new or strangers" - realize that the people are me, as how i am as one and equal as life as all here in every moment of breathe. Everyone and everything is Me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by the idea of "new or strangers" - realize that its an illusion for everyone here is ME as All as I am here in every moment of breathe. There are no strangers and no one is new for everyone has been HERE for eons of time and they are all me. and I am Here in every moment of breathe as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that staying inside for a while will create a reaction within myself . Never realizing that by this belief i manifested the reaction into reality - I will not allow myself to have such beliefs within myself. I am Life. I am not a Lie.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge my ownself, becaues of my belief in the past that if i am inside for a long time, i get "cabin fever" - i allowed myself to think inside my head and selfjudge myself through memories of the past
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge my reactions, which allowed my reactions to persist - never realizing that by self judging myself i create reactions within myself, thus this reaction persist as long as i am resisting within myself, the resistance was me selfjudging my own self, becaues i have allowed myself to separate my own self, which causes resistance. This the more i think about my reactions, the more it will last, what i resist persist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge my memories, bringing my memories back into forefront which manifested itself as a reaction within myself as i "think" about my past memories of staying inside the house for a long time believing it to be "cabin fever"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "cabin fever" is real, but it is an illusion created by the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bring back my memories which created reactions within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting adn allowing myself to "think" about my memories which manifested selfjudgement within myself and emotional reaction
I will not allow myself to be controlled by my memories for i let go of my memories for they are no more of who i am
I will not allow myself to selfjudge my memories for i let go of my memories for they are no more of who i am


Inside and Outside Polarity

When i was younger growing up i have always stayed inside, because I grew up being taught that the "outside" world is bad and that there are "bad" guys out there that might harm me. This is what my parents have taught me. So i started to believe this idea, I looked at strangers as someone who are "bad" and they will do something to me. This created a suppression within myself. And i stayed inside, isolated myself from the "world". Then my parents would yell "Kenneth! why dont you go outside! why are you always inside, all you do is stay inside!" This always annoyed me, and it made me angry, sad, frustrated, because. Now i realized, that i was taught to me was all "polarity". And inside it felt like I was being torn apart, because I did not know what to do, I didnt even know who i am, i was just being told what to think and do. So these emotions was just all over inside of me and was very much angry during this time towards my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing what my parents have taught me that the world is a dangerous place and that going outside is dangerous thus i needed to stay inside to be safe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience fear within myself when going outside because i have allowed myself to believe that outside is bad and inside is good
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself from the world, which is isolating myself from facing my own self, fear of facing my ownself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing my own self as the world, as outside, instead of standing up within myself and realizing that the world is a Gift of Life as i experience myself and face myself in it in every moment of breathe as the gift of Life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anger, rage, sadness within myself when my parents would yell at me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the experience of emotion within myself is who i am - never realizing that it is a system inside of my self
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress who i am as Life because of the polarity teachings that was taught to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react as emotions because i allowed myself to submit to my emotions and did not stand up within myself to stop my emotions
Realize that being HERE is Knowing my self in every moment of breathe, and not being in the mind for that is not real.

So during this time, i believe in the polarity that being inside the house is "safe" and being outside the house is "bad and dangerous". So i believed this for a long time. The outside world is supposedly "dangerous and scary". And it enslaved me because i had social anxiety during this time, beleiving that people were all "mean" similar to my "mom" which i believed her to be hurting me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being inside a home represents safety of my self, thus it is a place that i do not face my self of what i have become
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being outside the house is bad and dangerous - never realizing that i was fearing my own self and self judging and comparing my own self as bad and dangerous
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being outside is scary in that i am supposed to get robbed or something will happen to me, base on the things my parents has told me which is all fear base teaching
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe thta people were "mean" and they represented my "mom"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people would react to me in a way similar to my mom which is being "mean" and act "controlling"
I forgive myself for not realizing that everyone HERE is all as ONe and Equal as Who i am - thus if i submit myself to the polarities, then i selfabuse my ownself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfabuse my ownself and blaming my parents and people around me that they were the problem of my emotions - never realizing that it is me running away from my own self instead of standing up within my self

I never realize that all of what she taught me was "polarity" which allowed me to believe this split up beliefs of being outside is bad, and being inside is good. It is safe to be inside, it is good to be inside. But bad to be outside. So i have allowed myself to accept this belief from my parents.

I release all these thoughts, beliefs, memories and emotions related to being outside and being inside and all thoughts beliefs memories and emotions within myself mybody, cells and dna right here right now and so it is and so be it.