So i was getting ready to go and then my mom says "are you ready? lets go" and i said "wait i have to eat first". And then as i was setting up my food my dad says "why dont you get yourself ready earlier" in a strict kinda angry tone.
And within myself i start feeling kinda stressed whenever my dad starts talking this way. Because he has a short temper and he just snaps and start getting angry. I started to do my SF forgiveness and Breathing during this time. I did not say anything i just continued working on my food. But inside i get this "uh oh" type warning that my dad is in a cuckoo state and have to be careful.
- SF Points to look at in this moment
2. Dad
3. Stress Anxiety Emotions
Food
Food i have allowed myself to define myself through eating food. I have allowed myself to believe that i have to eat whenever i go somewhere because i might faint and pass out. I have believed that if theres no food in me i faint and pass out. Food has become my life because when i eat food i survive. I believed that i have to eat a scheduled time and when i do not eat during those time i faint and pass out. So i ended up eating every 3 hours because of this and my mind would start to get symptomps if i do not eat at a certain scheduled time i had set up.
Dad
My dad scares me because he has a temper and he snaps in any moment. He is like a walking timebomb. Somedays he is up and stable, next days he is moody. I grew up seeing him go into a violent mode when hes drunk, and he has always fought with people when hes drunk. Even when hes not drunk he snaps if there is something that he can not solve or if he believes that other people are doing something to him. He supports my mom a lot and has become my moms protector. If i stand up to my mom he starts to look at me in a menacing way in a "watch what you are saying booooooy kinda look and ill give you a beating" type kinda look.
Yup growing up i got spanked by my dad for the little things i did. He is strict and grew up in a strict family, he was abuse as a child so this behaviour is from his childhood that he learned from his stepparents, he never really grew up with his real father.
Anxiety
Growing up i was filled with Anxiety because of the experiences i had with my dad. Getting spanked and yelled at and made to feel less than who i really am. So all of these things come up to me sometimes when he is in his mooody mode. I have worked on my SF before regarding this point but still have movement within myself.
SF on Food
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define food as who i really am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that food is needed inside of me to feed my mind so that i do not feel the faint / passing out symptoms
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am going to faint and pass out if i do not eat food at a certain time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living as myself as Life and instead focus on the food defining me as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by food
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through scheduled times of eating food
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the faint and passing out symptomps are real, but its an illusion created by my mind which manifest itself because i believed in it
I will not allow the mind symptomps to control and define me
I will not allow fear to define me
I Am Life
I am One and Equal as Life as All as i am in every moment of breathe
SF on Dad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge my dad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my dad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of my dad
I forgive myself for accepting an allowing myself to re living the past through my memories about my dad because the past is not who i am any more for I am Life in every moment of breathe
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memories of the past regarding my experiences with my dad which i use to self judge my own self and define my own self through the experiences from my dad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through the traumatic memories that i had with my dad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my dad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my dad
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that my dad is assisting me to stand up within myself as who i really am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the memories to define myself
I am Life
I am One and Equal as Life as All as I am as My Dad
I am Infinite - I am not defined by memory for memory is of the mind
I am Limitless
I am All as one and Equal as Life
SF on Anxiety
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anxiety within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anxiety because of beliefs and memories that i hold on to the past
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by beliefs and memories - never realizing that all of it is not real but an illusion
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through the minds memories
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself through beliefs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by anxiety
I will not allow Anxiety within myself
I am Life as All as I am as One and Equal as Life in every moment of breathe
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