My Mom and I

Ok, so we are preparing to move in the next few days, and we are clearing up some stuff.
I haev this tv its 36 in, its huge and heavy and we are giving it to my sister, so we live on the top floor. And then me and my dad will have to carry it downstairs.

So we got ready and started to carry this thing, and me and my dad started to figure out how to lift it up in a comfortable way. My mom was overlooking at us while this was happening then we started to lift it up. Then we would stop cause it was difficult and a little heavy. And then my mom would start yapping, she would be like "blah blah what are you doing, this is how you do it, thats not how you hold it, you have to hold it like this, i did it before" So we continued again. Then we stop again to get comfortable, then whenever we stop to get comfortable, she would start her yapping again, and she would be like "blah blah, what are you doing, thats not how you do it!! arg this is how you do it"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge my mothers "nagging" which results in my self being irritated because of the judgement and comparison within my self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'nagging" is bad, and "no nagging" as good which is polarity
I forgive myself for not realizing that "nagging and no nagging" is just an illusion of what i have percieved it to be because of my belief and self judgement and comparison. Everything Here is One and Equal as me, thus there really is no "good nagging" and no "bad nagging"

So during this time i was irritated at her, so i said "Stop!, Stop talking! are you the one lifting here?" And then she just continued on and on "bal bla, thats not how you do it, you do not know how, this is how you do it, we did it before and she just goes on and on and on " as if she is the "master" of carrying things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritated and angry at my mom for nagging and acting like a boss authoritative figure believing that she is right and knows all things
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and percieve in my mind that she is right and knows all things, for i have allowed myself to self judge and compare her towards me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i was "inferior" and i knew more things, thus i reacted and became annoyed at my mom becaues i had believed that i knew more and then i perceieved her as someoen who knew more with her "yammering" thus i got annoyed
I forgive myself for not realizing that my mom is one and equal as me and the emotional reactions that i have experience is actually what i am allowing inside of me because of my selfjudgement and beliefs of her, that she always wants to be "right" all the time.
Realize that if i do not selfjudge her base on my beliefs, then there wouldnt be any reaction towards her nagging.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience reactive emotions within myself towards my mom, because of the beliefs that i had hold on to about my mom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mom "knows everything"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mom is always "right"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed this belief by selfjudgement towards my mom in which it creates the reactions i get within myself which feeds my own belief in my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am "less than" my mom because i have perceived her to know more than myself
I forgive myself for not realizing that my mom is one and equal as who i am





So we got downstairs and as usually she continues her yapping, basically like some muscled boss treating us like her slaves as if she knows everything "this is how you do it, i know this and i know that" type attitude and yapping continues. And at one time, she gets angry that what we are doing is wrong, and as if she is "rushing" herself and us. So she actuall started throwing her "tantrum" attitude kinda like "fine you guys do your own thing and ill just go over there and wait!"

So we got near the car and her yammering continues telling us that she can do it better, and that she knows how to do it better at carrying the tv so i said "Here! you take over and you do it for your self if you think that you can not do it better then here you try it!"

And i let my mom carry the tv and she actually carried it, its heavy, and lifted it up, now my mom is smaller than me and older. So i was like "wtf! What is she doing, is she trying to prove something?" and i started to have thoughts like "omg dont hurt your self trying to protect your pride"

Why does my mom do that? Is she trying to prove to me to stop being a pussy? Or is she standing up within her self? And is standing up within your self, yelling at the people you are trying to help? Would that be standing up within self?

One thing that is so irritating to me, is when she starts to act like some kinda "authority" figure and starts yelling and telling me/us that "this is how you do it, and that is how you do it and i do it better because i know these things" So she would just yammer on about her "pride" and how good she is at these things. Its really irritating to me specially with her yelling and her voice and it is non stop.

So then one of my neighbors saw me and she was like, "youre moving?!?" and i was like "yea" and shes like "wow everyone is moving out" and then i think she ask "why are you moving?" and my mom jumped in and said, "we dont like it here and we got a house!". And i was like, oh no my mom is lying agian. And i was a bit irritated cause the reason we are moving is that we did not pay the rent on time, thus they have ot let us go. So my mom just said " we dont like it here'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to selfjudge my mom for lying
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anger when my mom lies
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to her lies - never realizing that what each being do to themselves i can not change for only the person will be able to self realize it for their own selves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself on to my mom
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by my mom
Never realizing that if i show reactions to my mom then the more I am enslaving my own self because of what i am allowing inside of my self
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mom for hte reactions I experience within myself never realizing that the reactions was all created by my own self
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit to the reactions within myself and then blame my mom for the reactions inside of me

And my emotions during this time was i was kinda angry because she says things that are lies, its not that we dont like it here, i like living here, they didnt let the lease continue because of late rents. And also they were friends that i talked to and i wasnt able to respond to them cause my mom just cut in the conversation. So i just felt hmmmm ignored maybe, i wanted to say something then it got cut off, then i started to think, well thats a lie, because that is not how i feel. So i was irritated and i kinda got mad when i started to think about it. So i just left and did not answer them and tell them what happened, i gave in to my moms lies instead of standing up within myself and being honest. So i left went back upstairs.

During this time i wanted to confront my mom, and all these thoughts started to go around my head, but i stopped it. Because i have confronted my mom before, and does not actually help because she will just have her "protection mechanism" on and she will start arguing back. I would just be arguing with my self.